Don’t read the last page, but I stay

I've alluded to this pretty frequently, but it has been a rough couple of months for me, emotionally.

Back in June, I reached the end of my two-year contract at my first Real Adult™ job and chose not to renew. There are a lot of reasons why, but it boils down to being extremely unhappy and feeling that I was turning into a different, worse version of myself.

I don't regret that decision at all. However, the subsequent five months of unemployment have been hard. I've always been ambitious and, until now, successful at most things I've attempted. Sitting around feeling empty and uninspired and lost has been, to put it lamely, not ideal. It's been a lot of staring at job listings, wondering if I'm qualified to do literally anything at all and usually deciding that I'm not (even if I know, deep down, that isn't true).

Basically, it's been a basketcase of a time.

BUT, I'm trying to remain positive. I'm trying to look at the rejection letters as something the universe knows that I don't, trying to put some effort into believing that everything does, in fact, happen for a reason. I don't know if it's true -- but it sure sounds nice, right?

Plus, it's the holiday season, which means I can subscribe to the tried-and-true method of putting unrealistic expectations on a year that hasn't even started! Hooray!

Anyway, if you are also feeling low lately, here are some of the things I've been doing/watching/etc to fend off feelings of impending doom:

• On Halloween, I did my eye makeup in a bright blue for a '70s-inspired look -- and I loved it. It got me thinking about how I used to do my eyes in wild colors when I was a teenager, and I thought I might start doing that again. So far, I've committed to it. From Halloween through at least New Year's, I'm dedicated to over-the-top makeup looks just for the hell of it. The Bright Eyes Project. It's been pretty fun so far! And it gave me an excuse to buy this new eyeshadow palette the other day because what's life without a little retail therapy?
• My movie choices have been pretty scattered lately. If you want to watch something really...out there, I suggest The Voices, which is entertaining in a "literally wtf" kind-of way. Plus, you can't go wrong with Ryan Reynolds and Anna Kendrick. Thor: Ragnarok is insanely funny. Nocturnal Animals is a good film if you're into watching something that's the equivalent of a good high-fashion magazine -- very stylish, but ultimately not super fulfilling. And speaking of Jake Gyllenhaal movies, I finally watched Nightcrawler and my god, what a movie. Seriously, I have no idea how Jake didn't get nominated for an Oscar for that one. 
• After finishing Turtles All the Way Down at hyper-speed, I tried to get into a couple of the unread books on my shelves, We Are Never Meeting in Real Life and Too Fat, Too Slutty, Too Loud, but couldn't really commit to either. Then, while watching the HBO documentary on Nora Ephron (Everything is Copy), I was struck with a sudden need to read fiction. I went to the library on Saturday looking for a few books, including Ephron's Heartburn, but only went home with one: Universal Harvester by John Darnielle. I'm over halfway finished and it's really good. 
• Finally, here's what I've been listening to this month (+ reputation, obviously). Shoutout to this playlist for featuring mostly women's voices and for its fall-colored cover!

Keep on keepin' on, y'all.